I don’t know if the events over the past year have made me more introspective but for a little while I have been reflecting on some of our experiences during our marriage and felt it helpful to write them in black and white.
During our time as a couple, Beccy has navigated 3 major relocations, moving from Essex to Manchester (250 miles apart) and together we have navigated 2 moving from Manchester, England to Coleraine, Northern Ireland (315 miles apart, separated by the Atlantic) and then from Coleraine to Arlington, Texas, USA (2000 miles apart). Anyone who has relocated will agree these are significant life events.
I thought I would share some of our experiences during these relocations. Perhaps those who have also relocated may find some encouragement in shared experiences, perhaps those soon to relocate may find it useful to prepare, or maybe it might simply give you a window into some of the oddities we have no doubt developed through our experiences.
So here are 4 challenges we have navigated and 5 benefits we have appreciated.
Challenges
- Learning Curve – Being honest it is often hard work to understand local systems when you grew up there. But from our most recent move here are some of the learning curves we’ve had to figure out;
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- Immigration
- Schools
- Taxes
- Driving
- Utilities
- Healthcare systems
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- Financial – It of course differs from country to country but in the context of our most recent move here are some of the areas our cost of living significantly increased;
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- Insurances
- Healthcare
- Utilities
- Housing
- Internet
- Leisure Activities
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- Loneliness – Relationships are an important part of our wellbeing but the process can be lonely as they take the following to grow;
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- Connection
- Vulnerability
- Investment
- Time
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- Culture Shock – It’s a cliche and a buzz word but it is also often very really and can be unnervingly disorientating. Here are some of the things we found culturally very different;
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- Language
- Leisure
- Church
- Education
- Social gatherings
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Benefits
- Wider Horizons – Experiencing new places and meeting new people definitely grows your perspective of the world and different cultures.
- New Opportunities – Music has been a huge part of my life for the most part, however for various reasons music very much took a back seat for a number of years while we were in Northern Ireland. Relocation provided new opportunities for that part of my life to come alive again.
- Fresh Starts – Many of us grow up, mature and become bigger people over the years. Sometimes people around us regularly, don’t always recognise the growth that is happening right in front of them. However on the whole, new people, in new locations get to know you as you are, and don’t type cast you according to who you were.
- Personal Growth – An overwhelming amount of new experiences essentially forces you to grow. As a bit of an introverted extrovert I particularly find meeting new people awkward. I’m energised by spending time with people I know well, but have always struggled with small talk and the like when meeting new people. Although there is still plenty of room for improvement, 2 massive relocations have forced me to face fears and learn new people skills in this kind of an area.
- Family Bonds – Moving as a family has definitely grown our family bonds. Don’t get me wrong anyone who has met our boys know they bicker and fight and we are hardly the Waltons. However relocations have given us the opportunity to make memories of new experiences together and speak into areas of their lives we otherwise would not have had the opportunity to grow together through, like;
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- Navigating loneliness and making new friends
- Holding possessions, houses, cars, luxuries with open hands.
- Following the call of God
- Navigating uncertainty (waiting for visas, visa renewals and green card permissions).
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As I write I am aware that not everyone reading this will be considering, preparing for or in the middle of relocating however maybe some of us face similar challenges, new learning curves, financial challenges, relational challenges, maybe even culture shock as this past year has no doubt significantly changed our societies. So if it can be any help, here is what I continue to learn 3 years on, give yourself space to navigate the challenges but also create space to celebrate and appreciate the benefits.